Can You Have A Healthy Relationship After An Affair?

Fixing the relationship after cheating

It might seem unfathomable when you first find out about your partner cheating on you, but it is possible to repair your relationship and emerge as an even stronger and happier couple. The success of your relationship after an affair hinges on both partners wanting things to change, and on knowing the right areas to focus your efforts on. Follow these top tips on how to have a happy and healthy relationship after an affair:

Have realistic expectations.

No relationship will magically be healed over night. Overcoming an affair takes hard work, commitment, and lots of time, but you can have a good relationship after cheating. Keep your expectations reasonable and don’t expect things to improve right away. There’s a long road ahead when it comes to mending a relationship after it’s been rocked by a cheating scandal so be patient and prepare yourself for the work to come. There will be times where you feel your progress is moving backwards, times where you’re frustrated with each other, and times where you feel like giving up. Stick with it and make the promise to each other that you’re going to put your relationship first, no matter what. Creating a happy relationship after an affair is a journey that you’ll both need to take, and the end result is worth it if you can put the time and effort in together.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

The importance of communication cannot be stressed enough. It’s a critical for any couple, especially when you’re working on fixing your relationship after cheating. Both people need to learn to express their emotions and not keep them silent or letting them build up inside. Your partner will never know how you feel unless you tell them, and they can’t do anything to change the way you feel if you stay quiet. Communication is easy once you get into the habit of saying what’s on your mind and letting your partner know how you’re feeling. Work through the complicated feelings during the aftermath of an affair by talking it out and keeping things in the open.

Have separate interests.

It may seem counterintuitive but doing things apart can actually help a couple be closer together. Life can get dull when if you do everything together. Keep things interesting and fresh in your relationship by ensuring that you both have your own lives as individuals. When you do spend time together you’ll have more to talk about, find each other more interesting, and have more respect for one another. It’s more exciting to spend time with your partner when you have new things to tell them or they can teach you something new that they’ve learned on their own.

Make sex a priority.

While it might be hard to be intimate right away after your partner cheats, there will come a time when you’re ready for sex again. If you want to create a happy relationship after an affair you’ll need to make sex and intimacy one of your top priorities. This means carving out time to make it happen, making sure you both initiate it, and putting extra effort into attracting and enticing your partner. Remember how the sex was when you first started dating and try to keep that spirit alive as you work towards repairing your relationship. New couples have sex often and have fun doing it while people in long-term relationships tend to be more complacent and sex becomes monotonous. Act like newlyweds and put sex at the top of your to-do list. A healthy sex life is a major indicator of a happy and successful relationship, and any couple can achieve this, even after an affair. It’s simply a key component to fixing a relationship after cheating.

Why Breaking Up After An Affair Is The Right Thing To Do

Divorce after infidelity

It’s a tough call – deciding whether to forgive and forget when your partner is unfaithful or kicking your them to the curb when they cheat on you. There are pros and cons to either forgiveness or divorce after infidelity and it’s up to each person to decide what’s best for them. These are the reasons why breaking up with a cheater is the right choice:

They’re likely to do it again.

It’s no secret that once a person cheats they’re likely to keep doing it again and again. It’s hard to find trust again after being cheated on. If someone thinks they can cheat on their partner without any serious consequences there’s a good chance they’ll continue to be unfaithful whenever they get the opportunity. If your partner thinks they can just get their needs met elsewhere and still enjoy all of the benefits of being in a relationship it’s easy to see why they’d want to keep having affairs. Why should they get away with having the best of both worlds while you’re miserable at home? Break up with your cheating partner and leave them in the dust to show them that they can’t pull this type of behaviour off.

You’ll never fully trust them.

Nothing is worse than being in a relationship where you can’t trust your partner. If you’re suspicious every time they say they’re working late, or you start obsessing about where they are and who they’re with then it’s a sign that their cheating is more than you need to put up with in your life. No one deserves to always be on guard and wondering if their spouse is straying. It can take years to rebuild broken trust in a relationship and more often than not you’re better off to cut ties and move on instead of living a life filled with doubt and mistrust.

They’ll think they can get away with anything.

If you let your partner cheat on you without any consequences then it’s a slippery slope to them thinking that they can get away with whatever they want. A cheating spouse might start slacking off on their duties at home, treating you badly in other ways, or letting their efforts in the relationship slide, because they know that they can get away with anything. If you let your partner off the hook for cheating it’s a way of opening the door to them walking all over you and showing that you’re a pushover in the relationship.

You won’t respect each other if you stay.

If you don’t respect yourself enough to divorce a spouse after infidelity then there’s no way they’ll respect you either. They might see you as naive or easy to manipulate. You won’t respect them either as you doubt their word and see them as weak or hurtful. Mutual disrespect is not the way to a happy and healthy relationship. In fact, letting a cheater stay with you only creates an atmosphere of negativity and resentment among both partners, which is no way for anyone to live their life. Show your partner that you respect yourself too much to stay with them when they are unfaithful.

There’s someone better for you out there.

You could continue to stay in a relationship with a cheating partner and let them walk all over you, or you could file for divorce and find someone better. There are lots of other people out there in Canada that value trust, commitment, and monogamy. Breaking up with a cheater gives you the chance to find someone else who will respect you and stay faithful to your relationship, which is what everyone deserves to find. Try these dating tips to find happiness through dating after marriage.

Knowing When To Move On After An Affair

Moving on after cheating

There are lots of ways to respond when your partner has an affair. Some people have a revenge affair of their own, some want to stay together and forgive the cheater, while others realize that it’s time to move on from the relationship. How do you know if you should stay or go? These are the signs that it’s time to move on from a relationship after cheating:

There were problems before the affair.

Sometimes cheating is only a symptom of an underlying problem. It could be that your relationship was damaged before the affair and that the real problem isn’t the fact that your partner cheated. Be honest with yourself and assess your relationship before the affair happened. If things were great between you and your partner you might want to consider giving them a second chance, but if your relationship was already broken then it’s likely just time to move on.

You can’t forgive them for cheating.

The idea of getting over an affair and forgiving him for cheating might seem great in theory but sometimes a person simply can’t move past the heartbreak of an affair and find it in themselves to let their partner back into their life. When your partner cheats on you it breaks your trust and no matter how badly you might want to fix the relationship and get it back to where it was, it’s sometimes just not possible if you’re not able to forgive them. If you just can’t imagine ever trusting them again then it’s probably time to just move on instead of forcing yourself to do the impossible.

They aren’t making an effort to change.

If you and your partner are trying to work through an affair and you’re trying to find forgiveness after cheating you’ll need to see signs that they’re trying to change and improve the relationship. If they aren’t doing anything to indicate that they want to win you back or aren’t showing you that they’re working hard to regain your trust then you’ll probably want to just move on. If it’s not important to them to improve their ways and fix the relationship after they cheat then they’re probably not the right person for you.

The effort doesn’t seem worth it.

Forgiving her for cheating takes a lot of commitment and work. For some people, the effort needed to get a relationship back on track just doesn’t seem worth it. If these steps to finding forgiveness after cheating seems like more trouble than it’s worth then you’re probably just ready to move on. An affair can often be the wake-up call that people need to realize that their relationship just isn’t something worth fighting for. Relationships that weren’t that strong to begin with, or the fact that you weren’t right for each other are some of the reasons why couples choose to move on after an affair instead of trying to fix the relationship.

They cheat again.

If your partner continues to cheat then you need to really ask yourself if they’re the person you want to be with. No matter how sorry they say they are after an affair, your partner might continue to cheat again and again, putting you through the heartache of an affair time after time. You may have found it in your heart to give them a second chance after cheating once before but if they continue to stray then you’re likely better off moving on after their cheating instead of staying and trying to fix a relationship that’s too far gone.

How To Save Your Relationship After An Affair

Saving your relationship after an affair

An affair is enough to rock even the most solid relationship to its core. The after-effects of cheating can be felt for years, and it can even be enough to damage a relationship beyond repair. If you aren’t ready to kick your partner to the curb you’ll need a game plan for how to save your relationship after an affair. These steps are critical for any couple to take if they’re focused on moving on after an affair:

Communicate your feelings.

Healthy relationships are based on openness and honesty, and communication is critical to the success of any relationship, especially when you’re trying to save yours after an affair. Make a promise that you’ll both come clean about your feelings, as they happen instead of silently stewing over problems that you might face. No matter if you’re feeling hurt, angry, rejected, anxious, or hopeful, voice your feelings to your partner and let them in on how you’re processing the affair. If you can both communicate your emotions and keep things out in the open you’re more likely to succeed in saving your relationship.

Give it time.

You can’t expect that your relationship will bounce back right after your partner cheats on you. It takes time to recover after an affair, and it won’t happen overnight. Allow yourself the space to go through the full range of emotions that you’ll feel after you discover an affair and let the trust build back up between you and your partner. Tips like these will help you understand how long it takes to recover after an affair. Be realistic and give your relationship plenty of time to heal and it can become stronger than ever.

Make an effort.

Your cheating partner is in the doghouse, big time, after an affair, but they aren’t the only ones who need to work on saving the relationship. Both people in a couple are responsible for the success of a relationship and you’ll need to put in your own time and effort to make it work. Think back to when you were dating and some of the little things that you did to make your partner feel special. Compliment them, put extra effort into your appearance, plan unique dates instead of just watching tv, and carve out time to spend together. When your partner sees how hard you’re working towards saving your relationship after an affair it will motivate them to do the same and will show them how much you care about being together.

Seek professional help.

As tempting as it might be to try to fix your relationship on your own, sometimes it takes a professional to help you and your partner recover, especially in the early stages when it might seem impossible to get over it. Couples counselling can help create a neutral space where you can both speak freely with professional guidance to help. A counsellor will be able to give you and your partner practical advice and actions to take to work towards moving on from an affair.

Make sure you both want it.

No relationship can be saved after a cheating scandal if both parties don’t want it. If your partner cheated because they’re no longer interested in the relationship then your efforts in repairing things will be wasted. Part of your communication with each other will need to cover whether or not you both want to put the time and effort into finding happiness after an affair and moving forward with your relationship. If you’re not both invested in fixing your relationship then you’ll never be able to save it, no matter how hard you try.

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All posts by Green Street

Can You Have A Healthy Relationship After An Affair?

Have realistic expectations.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Have separate interests.

Make sex a priority.

Why Breaking Up After An Affair Is The Right Thing To Do

They’re likely to do it again.

You’ll never fully trust them.

They’ll think they can get away with anything.

You won’t respect each other if you stay.

There’s someone better for you out there.

Knowing When To Move On After An Affair

There were problems before the affair.

You can’t forgive them for cheating.

They aren’t making an effort to change.

The effort doesn’t seem worth it.

They cheat again.

How To Save Your Relationship After An Affair

Communicate your feelings.

Give it time.

Make an effort.

Seek professional help.

Make sure you both want it.

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