Monthly Archives: January 2017

Knowing When To Move On After An Affair

forgiving his cheating afterMoving on after cheating

There are lots of ways to respond when your partner has an affair. Some people have a revenge affair of their own, some want to stay together and forgive the cheater, while others realize that it’s time to move on from the relationship. How do you know if you should stay or go? These are the signs that it’s time to move on from a relationship after cheating:

There were problems before the affair.

Sometimes cheating is only a symptom of an underlying problem. It could be that your relationship was damaged before the affair and that the real problem isn’t the fact that your partner cheated. Be honest with yourself and assess your relationship before the affair happened. If things were great between you and your partner you might want to consider giving them a second chance, but if your relationship was already broken then it’s likely just time to move on.

You can’t forgive them for cheating.

The idea of getting over an affair and forgiving him for cheating might seem great in theory but sometimes a person simply can’t move past the heartbreak of an affair and find it in themselves to let their partner back into their life. When your partner cheats on you it breaks your trust and no matter how badly you might want to fix the relationship and get it back to where it was, it’s sometimes just not possible if you’re not able to forgive them. If you just can’t imagine ever trusting them again then it’s probably time to just move on instead of forcing yourself to do the impossible.

They aren’t making an effort to change.

If you and your partner are trying to work through an affair and you’re trying to find forgiveness after cheating you’ll need to see signs that they’re trying to change and improve the relationship. If they aren’t doing anything to indicate that they want to win you back or aren’t showing you that they’re working hard to regain your trust then you’ll probably want to just move on. If it’s not important to them to improve their ways and fix the relationship after they cheat then they’re probably not the right person for you.

The effort doesn’t seem worth it.

Forgiving her for cheating takes a lot of commitment and work. For some people, the effort needed to get a relationship back on track just doesn’t seem worth it. If these steps to finding forgiveness after cheating seems like more trouble than it’s worth then you’re probably just ready to move on. An affair can often be the wake-up call that people need to realize that their relationship just isn’t something worth fighting for. Relationships that weren’t that strong to begin with, or the fact that you weren’t right for each other are some of the reasons why couples choose to move on after an affair instead of trying to fix the relationship.

They cheat again.

If your partner continues to cheat then you need to really ask yourself if they’re the person you want to be with. No matter how sorry they say they are after an affair, your partner might continue to cheat again and again, putting you through the heartache of an affair time after time. You may have found it in your heart to give them a second chance after cheating once before but if they continue to stray then you’re likely better off moving on after their cheating instead of staying and trying to fix a relationship that’s too far gone.

How To Save Your Relationship After An Affair

save your relationship movingSaving your relationship after an affair

An affair is enough to rock even the most solid relationship to its core. The after-effects of cheating can be felt for years, and it can even be enough to damage a relationship beyond repair. If you aren’t ready to kick your partner to the curb you’ll need a game plan for how to save your relationship after an affair. These steps are critical for any couple to take if they’re focused on moving on after an affair:

Communicate your feelings.

Healthy relationships are based on openness and honesty, and communication is critical to the success of any relationship, especially when you’re trying to save yours after an affair. Make a promise that you’ll both come clean about your feelings, as they happen instead of silently stewing over problems that you might face. No matter if you’re feeling hurt, angry, rejected, anxious, or hopeful, voice your feelings to your partner and let them in on how you’re processing the affair. If you can both communicate your emotions and keep things out in the open you’re more likely to succeed in saving your relationship.

Give it time.

You can’t expect that your relationship will bounce back right after your partner cheats on you. It takes time to recover after an affair, and it won’t happen overnight. Allow yourself the space to go through the full range of emotions that you’ll feel after you discover an affair and let the trust build back up between you and your partner. Tips like these will help you understand how long it takes to recover after an affair. Be realistic and give your relationship plenty of time to heal and it can become stronger than ever.

Make an effort.

Your cheating partner is in the doghouse, big time, after an affair, but they aren’t the only ones who need to work on saving the relationship. Both people in a couple are responsible for the success of a relationship and you’ll need to put in your own time and effort to make it work. Think back to when you were dating and some of the little things that you did to make your partner feel special. Compliment them, put extra effort into your appearance, plan unique dates instead of just watching tv, and carve out time to spend together. When your partner sees how hard you’re working towards saving your relationship after an affair it will motivate them to do the same and will show them how much you care about being together.

Seek professional help.

As tempting as it might be to try to fix your relationship on your own, sometimes it takes a professional to help you and your partner recover, especially in the early stages when it might seem impossible to get over it. Couples counselling can help create a neutral space where you can both speak freely with professional guidance to help. A counsellor will be able to give you and your partner practical advice and actions to take to work towards moving on from an affair.

Make sure you both want it.

No relationship can be saved after a cheating scandal if both parties don’t want it. If your partner cheated because they’re no longer interested in the relationship then your efforts in repairing things will be wasted. Part of your communication with each other will need to cover whether or not you both want to put the time and effort into finding happiness after an affair and moving forward with your relationship. If you’re not both invested in fixing your relationship then you’ll never be able to save it, no matter how hard you try.